1 00:00:01,889 --> 00:00:04,409 The depression was so deep . I wasn't 2 00:00:04,409 --> 00:00:06,719 brushing my teeth , I wasn't showering . 3 00:00:07,079 --> 00:00:09,250 Completely quit going to the gym for 4 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:12,779 weeks at a time . Um , until my body 5 00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:15,420 was just . Naturally able to come out 6 00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:18,180 of the rut , right ? Um , and I , I did . 7 00:00:18,229 --> 00:00:20,451 I just , I felt like a disgusting human 8 00:00:20,451 --> 00:00:22,396 being . I , it just , it felt like 9 00:00:22,396 --> 00:00:24,840 there was a weight on me that was just 10 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,951 crushing me every single day . Like , 11 00:00:26,951 --> 00:00:29,920 it was , it was horrible . And yeah , 12 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,333 you can talk to your buddies , you know , 13 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,389 about it , this and that , and , you 14 00:00:34,389 --> 00:00:36,556 know , Army buddies being army buddies 15 00:00:36,556 --> 00:00:38,722 like come on man , it up like let's go 16 00:00:38,722 --> 00:00:40,778 like you're gonna be all right , you 17 00:00:40,778 --> 00:00:43,000 can get through this . Um , and then on 18 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:42,729 the other hand , they're like , all 19 00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:45,007 right , you know , quit , quit whining , 20 00:00:45,007 --> 00:00:47,173 quit complaining , you know , let's go 21 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:49,507 to the gym , let's , let's shake it off . 22 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,673 Um , and then even , you know , trying 23 00:00:51,673 --> 00:00:53,896 to go to the gym and trying to shake it 24 00:00:53,896 --> 00:00:56,007 off , like , it just , it wasn't , it 25 00:00:56,007 --> 00:00:58,173 wasn't coming out of it , right ? Um , 26 00:00:58,173 --> 00:01:00,340 it was definitely something I just had 27 00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:02,396 to struggle through until I came out 28 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,109 through the other side . I had no idea 29 00:01:05,109 --> 00:01:07,387 what was happening to me . It was just , 30 00:01:07,628 --> 00:01:09,739 you know , I woke up one day , I felt 31 00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:11,739 like maybe I was getting sick , you 32 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,684 know , maybe , maybe I had the flu 33 00:01:13,684 --> 00:01:15,739 coming on or a cold , something like 34 00:01:15,739 --> 00:01:17,850 that . And then the next day came and 35 00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:19,906 it was . You know , more or less the 36 00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:21,961 same , and then the 3rd day came and 37 00:01:21,961 --> 00:01:24,072 I'm just laying in bed and I'm like . 38 00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:27,138 What am I doing with my life right now , 39 00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:29,082 you know , like , what the hell is 40 00:01:29,082 --> 00:01:33,050 going on , um . Other than when I 41 00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:36,529 had to work . I didn't leave my room 42 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:39,470 for almost a week . I ate when I had to 43 00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:41,910 go eat , and that was maybe once a day . 44 00:01:42,849 --> 00:01:45,489 Um , and then like I said , I just , I 45 00:01:45,489 --> 00:01:49,059 completely lost . Any 46 00:01:49,059 --> 00:01:52,190 will To just take care of myself , you 47 00:01:52,190 --> 00:01:55,029 know , hygienically , physically . Um , 48 00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:57,277 mentally , I just , it felt like I was 49 00:01:57,277 --> 00:02:00,430 just rotting in my room . And then 50 00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:02,652 probably about 4 months after returning 51 00:02:02,652 --> 00:02:04,910 home , I started sinking into one of 52 00:02:04,910 --> 00:02:07,132 those ruts again . I'm like , you gotta 53 00:02:07,132 --> 00:02:09,077 be kidding me . Like , I'm exactly 54 00:02:09,077 --> 00:02:11,299 where I wanna be . I'm exactly with the 55 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,577 people that I wanna be with . You know , 56 00:02:13,577 --> 00:02:12,949 something changed . Something 57 00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:15,710 fundamentally changed in my head , you 58 00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:17,654 know , whether it was , you know , 59 00:02:17,654 --> 00:02:20,330 whether it's just Age has something to 60 00:02:20,330 --> 00:02:22,441 do with it or experiences or whatever 61 00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:24,910 it is , something , something changed 62 00:02:24,929 --> 00:02:27,970 and I needed help . And really honestly , 63 00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:31,990 I didn't know . How to go about getting 64 00:02:31,990 --> 00:02:34,919 help . And then I ended up coming here 65 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:37,889 to Irwin and started in behavioral 66 00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:40,111 health . It was a simple walk in . Uh , 67 00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,522 uh , that's where it started , at least 68 00:02:42,522 --> 00:02:45,089 anyways , was , was a walk-in , and it 69 00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:47,809 was just it was just a matter of 70 00:02:47,809 --> 00:02:49,976 walking up to the desk saying , I need 71 00:02:50,009 --> 00:02:52,750 help . I need to talk to someone . You 72 00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,972 know , before I was being treated , I'd 73 00:02:54,972 --> 00:02:56,972 walk into work and my buddies would 74 00:02:56,972 --> 00:02:59,194 look at me like , dude , are you good , 75 00:02:59,194 --> 00:03:01,361 man ? Are you sleeping OK ? I'm like , 76 00:03:01,361 --> 00:03:01,149 yeah , I'm sleeping fine . And I would 77 00:03:01,149 --> 00:03:03,205 come in with bags under my eyes just 78 00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:05,669 looking like garbage . Um , my work 79 00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:09,350 quality was poor . Um , the ability to 80 00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:13,089 prioritize and complete tasks was 81 00:03:13,470 --> 00:03:15,692 subpar . Um , it was very difficult for 82 00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:18,520 me . And then , you know , once I was 83 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,000 able to . Get diagnosed and be treated 84 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,222 like it , it turned everything around . 85 00:03:24,222 --> 00:03:26,444 Productivity came back , you know , I , 86 00:03:26,444 --> 00:03:28,444 I walked into the office , probably 87 00:03:28,444 --> 00:03:30,667 more chipper than , than any one person 88 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,667 probably should be , but I tell you 89 00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,833 what , like , When you're able to walk 90 00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:36,667 into an office and put smiles on 91 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,778 people's faces that you work with and 92 00:03:39,190 --> 00:03:41,412 reassuring them that you can be counted 93 00:03:41,412 --> 00:03:44,369 on again is , is , it's a game changer . 94 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,449 Whether you're a private E1 or you're a 95 00:03:48,449 --> 00:03:52,119 four-star general , um , it's never too 96 00:03:52,119 --> 00:03:54,175 late to get the help that you need . 97 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:57,649 Yes , it's going to take time . No , 98 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,942 it's not gonna happen instantaneously . 99 00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,449 It's something you have to be very 100 00:04:02,449 --> 00:04:04,616 upfront with yourself . You have to be 101 00:04:04,616 --> 00:04:06,838 very upfront with those that are trying 102 00:04:06,838 --> 00:04:08,949 to provide the services to help you . 103 00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:13,229 Um , You have to be exact 104 00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:15,229 with it . You can't beat around the 105 00:04:15,229 --> 00:04:17,579 bush . But if you're feeling as if 106 00:04:17,579 --> 00:04:19,635 something's off or there's something 107 00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:22,649 wrong . Mentally , physically , 108 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:26,269 whatever it is . Seek help , whether 109 00:04:26,269 --> 00:04:28,325 it's a medical professional or not , 110 00:04:28,325 --> 00:04:30,491 whether it's the buddy sitting next to 111 00:04:30,491 --> 00:04:32,769 you or you gotta call your mom , do it , 112 00:04:32,769 --> 00:04:35,940 um . Don't 113 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,570 Don't keep it bottled up because it 114 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,792 will , it will destroy you eventually . 115 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,410 It will get the better of you . Um , 116 00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:49,299 Seek help sooner than later . And 117 00:04:49,619 --> 00:04:52,220 you're not alone . Like there is , we 118 00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,579 all have our issues , uh , we all have 119 00:04:54,579 --> 00:04:58,260 our problems . It's whether or not You 120 00:04:58,260 --> 00:04:59,940 want to make the effort to fix it .